Better half or half-wit? Who pays the check and how do you get out of it? These are NOT some of the questions you’ll find answered in Steve Petrow’s ‘Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners’ (updated for 2011), but if you’re wondering what to call a same-sex significant other, or how to deal with booking hotels rooms in Mississippi, this may be for you.

From ‘about the book’: Confused about coming out, dating, sex, and love? Find all the answers here – makes a great reference guide for you, and a great gift for the straight people in your life who need a little guidance.]]>

By Mark McNease

I’ve been a fan of Rickie Lee Jones since her first album in 1979. That album included what was a blessing and a curse for Jones, the song ‘Chuck E’s in Love (listen).’ If you ask most people who she is, if they know her at all, they’ll say, ‘Didn’t she have that song about Chucky?’ Rickie Lee Jones is much deeper and bigger than that. Not to fault that song, but her debut album also included ‘Last Chance Texaco,’ ‘Coolsville,’ and one of the best songs of loss and longing I’ve ever heard, ‘Company (listen)’: I’ll remember you too clearly
but I’ll survive another day
conversations to share
when there’s no one there
I’ll imagine what you’d say Her follow up album, Pirates, took three years and showed her orchestral side. It was brilliant, and nearly everything she’s done since then has been. I’m biased. This is not a review of her latest music. This is an unabashed love letter to a singer/songwriter who belongs among the greats. Her contemporary and one-time love interest Tom Waits wasn’t inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame until last year. Jones may never be, but that’s like bemoaning a great actor who never got an Oscar, and there are more than a few of those. Jones writes music, not tunes. Her melodies and arrangements are intricate, often haunting. She’s been unafraid to make the music she wants to make, and if it means she’s playing venues like City Winery, so be it. She belongs in this kind of intimate setting, not Madison Square Garden. Last night she played all old songs, almost entirely from her first two albums. She came on 40 minutes late, which a couple of my group found annoying but I said hey, she’s 56 and she’s been doing this for a very long time, let her be a little late. Once she and the band took the stage all else was forgotten.
I didn’t know what to expect. She’s been known to play her new CD’s and no old songs, but last night was a love fest on memory lane. The audience knew every song, and of course I recognized them all, quite a few from 1981’s Pirates. Jones got emotional when she sang a song about her daughter, now 21, and she said she’s spent most of her life alone – not because she’s hard to get along with but because everyone else is. She’s widened over the years, as have most of us, but she still commands a stage, sounds amazing, and is clearly in a league of her own. I won’t review City Winery itself, which is a great place to see a show, except to say go for the first floor seats. I’d never been there, and when I booked the tickets online a couple months ago I went by the seating chart. I got “VIP” seats in the elevated back area but 1) our seats had no backs, 2) it was warmer up there on an already hot night, 3) it feels cut off from what is actually a large crowd, and 4) you get a better view on the floor! I’d go back for sure, but now I know where to actually sit, and for a lower price.]]>

Back in the office, strapped in a cubicle. Not really strapped, but it often feels that way. And now, after a 5-day vacation of non-stop eating, that strap feels a little tighter. Given that Frank and I intend to actually get married in the near future, I want to look my best. I’ve been saying this for the last two years: I wanted to look my best for the cruise, I wanted to look my best for the trip to Delaware a year ago, I wanted to look my best every other day. Not that we ever don’t look our bests, but damnit, I wanted to fit into something I could wear three years ago. I’m not going to blame being in a relationship, that’s too easy. But I do think it’s harder every year to get weight off that I’d put on without much thought since we met. Weight that creeps up has a way of creeping away even more slowly, and I want to be as healthy as I can. Given the slowing of our metabolism with age, we should take in 10 percent fewer daily calories every decade after 40. Why am I now in the obese category, according to government statistics? Maybe eating as if I were 20 has something to do with it. The excuses have to end, including the very handy one, “I’m on vacation.” I hear this as often as I’ve told it to myself. Some of it is stress: travelling can be stressful despite the pleasure of it. I can control what I eat much more easily at home, and when I’m on vacation eating just seems like the thing to do. Especially when we’re visiting people. Going out to eat is part of the picture, and watching what I eat in restaurants is never something I’ve been very controlled at. So here went another all-you-can-eat vacation, because, well, we were on vacation. Another 5 days on holiday, another 5 pounds. Okay, maybe 2, but the effort to get that off will be considerable, especially spending my days strapped in an ever-tightening cubicle.]]>

By Mark McNease

We just got back from what has become an annual 4th of July visit to friends in Delaware. The shoreline there is beautiful, and that part of the state is dotted with towns that host a swarm of vacationers every summer. Dewey Beach, Bethany Beach, Rehoboth, and of course Ocean City, just across the way in Maryland. Getting there from Manhattan takes some time, all told about eight hours of traveling. The last two years we broke it up with a stop for a night in Atlantic City. This year we saved AC for the ride back and drove straight through. The road trip is nicely balanced with a ride on the Cape May-Lewes ferry, that gets you from New Jersey to Delaware. It’s a favorite part of the trip for me, just driving onto the ferry and settling in for 90 minutes across the water. A lot of people find benches on the deck, but I’m not a sun guy so I end up inside, reading and eating ferry food (pretzels, coffee, microwaved sandwiches). Once you’re in Lewes, it’s just about 45 minutes to Bethany Beach. The boardwalk on Bethany Beach is modest, not like the more heavily trafficked, family-frenzied Ocean City. We’ve watched the fireworks on Bethany Beach the last two years, but this time they got rained out (we stayed at friend Kathi’s house and had the obligatory crabs, something no trip to Delaware or Maryland is complete without). Our first night included dinner at DiFebo’s Bistro at Bear Trap Dunes, a local golf club. The restaurant is a major dining attraction, for good reason. The menu’s not particularly unique, but the food is excellent, the environment’s inviting, and the staff are very friendly. They also have a bar area with live entertainment. That night there was a man singing and playing saxophones (he had three: alto, tenor and soprano). He was outstanding, and he spent some time at the table talking to us and taking requests.
In the morning we had breakfast at The Cafe on 26 in Ocean View. They specialize in gluten free food, although I can’t tell you what the difference was. I just know it’s a warm and friendly place and the food was excellent. I wanted to find some jewelry, the not-too expensive kind, so we went to Rehoboth for several hours. Rehoboth is larger and hipper than Bethany Beach. From the looks of things as I was taking pictures (and paying more attention) it’s also a gay magnet. There’s even a Rehoboth LGBT Center, which, along with the rainbow flags, helped explain all the gay men and lesbians I saw walking around. I finally found a bracelet at Out Sports, appropriately enough. Finally we ended the trip at Kathi’s house with crabs, crab cakes, hot corn in the husks, potato salad, and key lime pie. We can’t go to Delaware or Maryland and not have crabs. Not just because it’s something everybody there eats (even if like me they get crab cakes instead of the shelled ones you have to beat with a mallet), but also because Frank is a crab nut. He will eat a half dozen easy, sitting at a table for an hour pounding crabs and finding every last piece of crab meat. Yesterday we hugged, said our goodbyes, and headed to the Tropicana Casino in Atlantic City. Every family has their traditions, even if it’s a family of two, with four cats waiting at home. Another good trip to the shore, good friends, good food, and back to the hot and steamy City.]]>

How quickly fortunes change. It seems just yesterday Jamaica led the world in virulent homophobia. Maybe the prison term for Grammy-winning drug trafficker Buju Banton has thrown them off their game. Just in the last few days we’ve seen lgbt people referred to by respectable Pakistani authorities and religious figures as ‘social garbage’ and ‘cultural terrorists.’ I know where I won’t be spending my next vacation! From the International Business Times: Conservative religious activists in Pakistan have condemned and protested a gay rights event last week sponsored by the US embassy in Islamabad. At the “gay=pride” event at the embassy, the US deputy ambassador to Pakistan, Richard Hoagland, said Washington was committed to gay rights in the country.
“I want to be clear: the US embassy is here to support you and stand by your side every step of the way,” the embassy said in a statement. “This gathering demonstrated continued US Embassy support for human rights, including LGBT rights, in Pakistan at a time when those rights are increasingly under attack from extremist elements throughout Pakistani society.” Members of Pakistan’s largest Islamic party Jamaat-e-Islami (JI) described the event as a form of “cultural terrorism.” “Such people [homosexuals] are the curse of society and social garbage,” JI said.
“They don’t deserve to be Muslim or Pakistani, and the support and protection announced by the US administration for them is the worst social and cultural terrorism against Pakistan.”]]>

I used to go to Minneapolis every year to visit a friend I’d known since high school. He permanently unfriended me seven years ago with no explanation (there’s a blog post in there somewhere – and the guy’s not even on Facebook). So it was with some despair I saw that Minnesota, and Indiana, where I grew up, are still going retro with the anti-gay, hostile, Republican-led charges to scar their state constitutions with marriage amendments. One group in Duluth is leading the push for a different outcome. From the Duluth News Tribune: While many will celebrate Independence Day with fireworks and grilled food, one group in Duluth will kick off its fight against a Minnesota marriage amendment. The event Monday is sponsored by Duluth United for All Families, a group formed after the Minnesota House voted 70-62 to put an amendment on next year’s ballot that would define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. The group is affiliated with Minnesotans United for All Families, a statewide coalition. “Our event will galvanize critical support to defeat the marriage amendment in 2012,” said Gary Anderson, an event organizer. “This is just the beginning.” After the New York Legislature’s legalization of gay marriage, Minnesota has become the newest front line in the national battle. Gay-
marriage supporters here will be working fervently to end a 31-state losing streak at the polls and defeat the proposed marriage amendment. “We want Minnesota to be the first to defeat the amendment, with Duluth leading the way,” Anderson said.
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He’s baaaaaack . . .]]>

There was a lot of news recently about lgbt activists in Russia, including Lt. Dan Choi, being arrested and mistreated by Moscow police during demonstrations there. One of those activists, Andy Thayer from Chicago – a founding member of the Gay Liberation Network – returns to tell the tale. From CBS Chicago: CHICAGO (CBS) — A Chicago gay-rights activist who was arrested in Russia by Moscow police during a pride demonstration last month is back home and talking about the experience. American Andy Thayer, co-founder of the Gay Liberation Network, was one of more than a dozen demonstrators who planned to march in the Russian capital. They never got the chance. Russian nationalists attacked them first, and then the demonstrators were dragged off by police. Thayer watched a video of the incident with CBS 2’s Mike Parker and called the actions by the mob and police “infuriating.” “A transgender activist was kicked four to five times on the pavement and another activist, a lesbian activist, was hospitalized for about four or five days,” Thayer said. Thayer said he was grabbed by a man with close-cropped hair and a camouflage outfit. He believes the man was one of the “neo-fascists” he said were attacking demonstrators. The arrests near Red Square came on May 28, shortly after the European Court of Human Rights criticized the Russian government for refusing to allow gay-pride demonstrations.]]>

By David Webb – The Rare Reporter Sometimes the comments posted by readers of LGBT newspapers provide a fascinating glimpse into the mindsets of our community’s greatest adversaries because they are often part of the audience. One that caught my eye recently was posted by a reader who objected to criticism directed against Texas Gov. Rick Perry for agreeing to headline the annual dinner on Oct. 28 of the anti-gay group Cornerstone Action in New Hampshire. The announcement was seen as further evidence that Perry is leaning toward running for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination in 2012 because New Hampshire is the first presidential primary state. That put Perry on the LGBT community’s radar again because Cornerstone Action advocates the repeal of the state’s same-sex marriage law, and it promotes the work of ex-gay therapy groups such as Exodus International, Love Won Out, and the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. The conversion therapy practiced by these groups has been denounced by the American Psychological Association, which refutes the notion that homosexuality is a mental illness. The offended reader who was obviously a proponent of ex-gay therapy and a fan of Perry’s wrote, “Many, many people tormented with same-sex attraction have benefited from therapy. The homosexual pressure groups have no moral right to speak for these individuals.” Only one reason comes to mind why someone would feel tormented by same-sex attraction, and that would be a result of being taught that homosexuality is evil and an aberration. Those same teachings would make someone who is heterosexual fear and despise someone who is openly gay. And if someone is gay and doesn’t want to be, it’s pretty easy to see how they would express homophobic opinions to help keep their shameful secret.
Groups such as Exodus International claim in public relations releases that they are not attempting to influence “people who are perfectly happy living their gay life,” but the readers’ remarks make it clear they are monitoring everything we do by reading our publications. They also attend our public events surreptitiously when they are not staging protests, which prompts the question, “Why all the interest if suppression is not their goal?” Perry’s camp announced the New Hampshire engagement after his appearance the previous weekend at the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans where the participants, who were enamored of his conservative social and fiscal policies, reportedly shouted “Run, Rick, run.” The announcement of the New Hampshire appearance was viewed as humorous by some because it followed on the heels of the re-emergence of widespread rumors that Perry is secretly gay and that his wife, Anita, almost divorced him in 2007 over it. The rumors that the governor’s wife caught him involved in a sexual act with another high-level male government official became so widespread four years ago that Perry denied them in an Austin newspaper story, calling them a “political smear campaign.” A spokesman for the governor has acknowledged his staff is prepared to address the rumors again should he run for the presidential nomination. Although almost no one actually believes Perry is secretly gay, his alignment at this point with a group so involved with the promotion of anti-gay therapy seems a little peculiar. After all, many of the proponents of ex-gay therapy claim they are recovered homosexuals, and several have been exposed by gay activists as frauds who still engage in same-sex activity. With all of the rumors that previously circulated about Perry being gay and others claiming he cheated on his wife with other women, it would seem like the governor and his staff might be concerned that the next wild tale could be that he went to ex-gay therapy. If not, maybe the governor thinks this is a way of appearing to be compassionate toward a group of people his actions seem to indicate he despises. Having talked with several of Perry’s and his wife’s high school and college acquaintances – some of whom are gay and lesbian — over the years, I doubt that Perry was always so intolerant and self-righteous. In fact, I understand the governor sowed quite a few wild oats in his younger years, to put it in the vernacular of his West Texas roots. But somewhere along the line during his 26-year career in Texas politics, Perry, who is a Methodist, apparently realized that conservative religious zealots would propel him to fame, fortune and power if he pandered to them. That unfortunately puts the LGBT community in the crosshairs of Perry’s aim so it is a real possibility that the rest of the nation is going to experience what it is like to live in a state where an over-the-top, anti-gay elected official sets the political tone. David Webb is a veteran journalist who has covered LGBT issues for the mainstream and alternative media for three decades. E-mail him at davidwaynewebb@yahoo.com.]]>