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Column: The changing landscape of the LGBT family
By David Webb The Rare Reporter
What a difference a few decades and the evolution of new generations can make in society, particularly when it comes to the development of a new community.
When I first moved to Dallas in the summer of 1969 — just a few months short of my 21st birthday — I found a community of people that heretofore I had only read about in literature. It was by accident that I landed in Oak Lawn because I just as easily could have rented my first apartment in any other area of the city.
As I started navigating the neighborhood, going to the grocery store and going about the other mundane aspects of my life, I began noticing some very interesting people. It wasn’t long before I realized that I had stumbled upon something new and exciting.
The LGBT community as we know it today was in its infancy. There were a few gay men’s bars, at least one lesbian hangout, some drag shows, cliques of gay people working at downtown department stores and hippy festivals in Lee Park where LGBT people celebrated openly with young, liberal straight people.
In those days, I didn’t see a lot of same-sex couples living together. I occasionally became aware of older same-sex couples who had lived together for long times in homes, but for the most part I only met other single people like myself living in apartments. There were a lot of people living together as roommates, but from what I could tell there were few commitments in these arrangements.
It was the days of indiscriminate sexual activity that was being practiced by gay and straight people alike.
I did quickly find a place for myself in the community, and I became a part of a family of gay and straight people who socialized together. There were a couple of married straight people in the group, a divorced woman with a child, several gay and straight men and other people who drifted in and out of the network over the years.
This was a time when people realizing they were gay often chose not to reveal it to their birth families. Many people who felt isolated developed relationships with groups of people who gave them the support they needed to recognize and accept who and what they were. Many other groups of people that I encountered seemed to consist primarily of families of gay men or lesbians. It seemed to me that lesbians tended to be more likely to couple than gay men at that time. I was unaware of any same-sex couples raising children in the early 1970s. That early model of friends-as-family was one that served me well, and for some reason I’ve never much wanted to become involved in a committed relationship with a partner. Despite a couple of half-hearted tries over the years, that still holds true for me today. But it has changed drastically for many other people since the launch of the gay rights movement with the Stonewall Rebellion in New York City in 1969.
Legal challenges to state laws restricting marriage to heterosexuals began in the early 1970s and the fight for marriage equality has progressed to the point that same-sex marriage is legal in six states and the District of Columbia in the country now. Information gleaned in part from the 2000 U.S. Census and published by the Williams Institute in “Census Snapshot” in December 2007, reveals that an estimated 8.8 million LGBT lived in the U.S. in 2005. In 2005, there were 776,943 same-sex couples in the U.S., compared to 594,391 in 2000, according to the report. The Census information makes it clear that LGBT people live in every county in the U.S., whereas in the early years openly gay people seemed to be mostly a big-city phenomenon. Of these same-sex couples living in the U.S., 20 percent were raising children under the age of 18, and an estimated 270,313 of the U.S.’s children were living in same-sex-couple households, according to the report. An estimated 65,000 of the U.S.’s adopted children reportedly lived with a lesbian or gay parent. Clearly in the 40-plus years since the start of the gay rights movement, all of the characteristics of LGBT life have changed dramatically. Young people are often quicker to acknowledge and accept their sexual orientation, and there is a whole array of options that were unavailable to previous generations of LGBT people. When young LGBT people think about their lives and relationships today, it’s probably in terms of dating, finding the right person, living together, getting married and even raising children. If anyone had told me 40 years ago that I would see such developments in my lifetime, I would have thought they were crazy. But that’s how it is today, and it makes me wonder what sort of decisions I might have made about my life if so much had been available to me when I was young. David Webb is a veteran journalist who has covered LGBT issues for the mainstream and alternative media for three decades. E-mail him at davidwaynewebb@yahoo.com.]]> -
Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic club honored by GLBT Museum
From SFAppeal.com: An exhibit celebrating the oldest LGBT democratic club in the nation and its 40th anniversary will be unveiled at the GLBT History Museum in San Francisco this evening. “40 Years Together, 40 Years Strong” honors the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club, the first registered LGBT democratic organization. The Alice B. Toklas Memorial Democratic Club of San Francisco, established in 1971, was named after the partner of famous writer and poet Gertrude Stein. The name “Alice B. Toklas” was chosen to protect the confidentiality of its members, organization officials said. People who described themselves as “members of Alice” were similar to those who called themselves “friends of Dorothy,” meaning that only gay people would know the club referred to other gay people, according to the organization.]]>
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New Musical based on 'Southern Comfort' staging at CAP21's Black Box Theater
Southern Comfort,’ about the last days of a transgender man and the annual gathering in Georgia. From the New York Times:
A new musical based on “Southern Comfort,” Kate Davis’s award-winning documentary about transgender friends in rural Georgia will be presented by CAP21 Theater Company in Manhattan this fall. The musical, also called “Southern Comfort,” features a folk-bluegrass score by Dan Collins (book and lyrics) and Julianne Wick Davis (music). The show, to be presented at CAP21’s Black Box Theater on West 18th Street, will star Annette O’Toole (“The Kennedys of Massachusetts,” “Smallville”) and Jeff McCarthy (“Urinetown,” “Beauty and the Beast”). Tom Caruso directs. Previews are to begin Oct. 5.]]> -
Tired Old Queen at the Movies, #80 – ‘Gypsy’
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Interview: Stephanie Mott
By Mark McNease
I first learned about Stephanie Mott when I saw an article on an educational tour she did through Kansas last July 4th weekend. After posting about it on this site, Stephanie dropped me a “thank you” email and I thought, what a terrific voice to add to the site. I wrote her back, and now we’re including her monthly columns. We also spoke on the phone and she’s as terrific as I thought she’d be. She was generous enough to share the following interview with me.
MM: I’m delighted to have your columns on lgbtSr and wanted to give the readers a chance to get to know you. I first heard about you from reading of your educational tour through Kansas over the 4th of July weekend. What prompted that, and how do think it turned out?
SM: I was just thinking about what to do over the long weekend, and the thought came into my head. People are always traveling across the country, or across the state for a cause. Once I had the thought, I think I just pretty much had to do it.
The tour was undoubtedly one of the most remarkable four day stretches of my life. I connected on multiple occasions with people who knew a transgender person who was struggling in their journey. Had that happened only once, the tour would have been worth it. I also connected with people who wanted to know more, with people who were kind and accepting, and with a few people who were less kind.
What I didn’t expect from the tour, was that I would look at myself in a different light. Is my prejudice against someone whose appearance suggests conservatism, getting in the way of my effectiveness as a transgender educator? How does that balance with my own safety?
My upcoming column will describe the tour in greater detail.
MM: I saw on your Facebook page that you recently celebrated four years of being Stephanie. Can you elaborate on that?
SM: It is as if someone turned on a light. As though someone opened the door through which the nightmare is not allowed to follow. The impossible comes true in my life every day.
There is a scene from the movie, “Fried Green Tomatoes”, during which Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates) is telling her husband that she wants Ms. Threadgood (Jessica Tandy) to come live in their home. She explains to her husband how Ms. Threadgood has changed her life, and her husband asks, “What’s changed?” Evelyn says, “The air and the light”.
Early in my transition, I spoke at a local high school Gay/Straight Alliance. I was horribly nervous and only spoke for a few minutes. After that presentation, a 17-year-old transgender person came up to me and said, “Oh my God, you changed my life.”
In that moment, my life changed as well. I knew that I had to share about my journey. It would be understandable for a person to be bitter about the lost almost 50 years, but then I would have missed the last four years as well. I am blessed with the opportunity to take something horrible, and create something good.
The last four years, have been so incredibly amazing, far more wonderful than I could have possibly imagined..
MM: Another part of your story that caught my attention is that you’re a member of Metropolitan Community Church of Topeka. I’ve been with MCC New York for about 17 years now. I think one of the greatest harms done to lgbt youth and adults is the lie that our lives are not compatible with faith. Can you speak to the place of faith in your life? SM: When I was trying to live as a man, I was in conflict with God. When I embraced the woman God created me to be, I came into harmony with God. The lie, and it is a lie, that you can’t be LGBT and have a relationship with God, kept me separated from God for a very long time. Then I found MCC of Topeka. My second time at MCC, Pastor Paul Evans did a sermon on II Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creature. Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are become new.” I am sure he was preaching to me. I knew then, that God would be there for me in my transition. My definition of faith is knowing that God will give me everything I need to do whatever God wants me to do. My analogy for faith is the child, leaping without fear, in complete joy, from the edge of the swimming pool, and landing in the waiting arms of a parent. It took a while for me to learn to leap with that kind of joy. All things did indeed, become new. MM: I know your life has had its challenges – alcoholism, homelessness, estranged from your family at times. But you’ve come through it in such an inspiring way. What would you most want to say to people faced with similar challenges – as so many of us are? SM: It is so easy to lose sight of what’s possible, when you are in the midst of what’s horrible. I had been so certain, for so long, that I could not let anyone into my soul. Fear, anger, doubt, and shame kept me from reaching out. I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of life. I had to learn to believe that it was ok to reach out to someone and let them know about what was happening inside me. When I began to do that, the light began to find its way inside of me too. Be as true to yourself as you can be. It was not possible for me to discover the miracles of life while I was denying my soul the light of self acceptance. MM: I know you founded the Kansas State Transgender Education Project (K-STEP). How is that going?
SM: K-STEP was a dream that was born on the day I cast away my “Steven suit”, On August 14, 2010, I brought together a number of people from across Kansas, and we formed a non-profit organization, Twelve days later, we incorporated. We are dedicated to bringing about an end to discrimination against transgender people and their families through education. We also provide resources for transgender people and their families. In our 11 months, we have provided over 65 educational forums and workshops. Some of them have been for PFLAG chapters and other friendly places. However, we have also done trainings for two major Kansas mental health centers, for one of the largest jails in the state, for a local health department, and for a number of faith communities. We just did a training for Ryan White Program case workers from across the state for Kansas Department of Health and Environment. It is hard to imagine that we could have come so far in such a short time. Two more major mental health centers, and one of the state’s largest county health departments are also on our upcoming schedule. MM: You’ve come such a long way, Stephanie. It really is a privilege to have you here on the site now as well. While it’s open to anyone to read (it’s online!), it is tailored to an over-50 readership. We believe life not only goes on, but goes on with a bang! Aside from being a little slower in the joints, I love being the age I am. Could you speak to life after 49? SM: I don’t feel old. Sometimes, my knees ache and all that. But I’ve never been more at peace. I have never been more able to experience the joys of life. I have experienced my second puberty at the age of 50. It has given me the opportunity to survive terror with a degree of dignity and grace. For reasons that are quite simple – in many ways I am only a few years old – life seems to have only just begun. I listened to two people one time talking about how this old woman did this, and this old woman did that. I asked them, “Just how old do you have to be to be an old woman?” They just stared at me. Then I said, “I would like to know, because someday, I would like to be one.”]]> -
Flying Solo: Savoring Savannah, GA
]]>A Travelogue with Rick Rose Like neighboring Charleston, the city of Savannah, Georgia is historic as all get out. What is way cool about the city is that it was laid out in 1733 around four open squares. The city plan anticipated growth and expansion of the grid. Additional squares were added during the 18th and 19th centuries, and by 1851 there were twenty-four squares in the city. Many of us know the city because of the recent fame brought to it by John Berendt’s best selling novel, “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” and subsequent Clint Eastwood movie. When you take a “Walk through Midnight” tour, you see the squares and learn the story of Savannah in a very amazing way. The true star here is the wonderful city itself. Guides offer personal insights and observations, as well as new stories that would create an incredible sequel or two. Many of the friendly guides were even extras in the movie and have added memorabilia to show you along the way. A two mile tour is spread out over just under two hours. Check out the tours here.
Savannah has been rated by Walking Magazine as “one of the 10 Best Walking Cities in America.” The pristine squares and bordering tree-lined streets, incredible parks, and laid-back pace make Savannah an ideal location for leisurely and intimate vacationing where the heat of the South rarely gets to you. You can always hop in and out of air conditioning as you need to by touring the city’s many historic homes. My favorite and that of many other young girls (ha!) is the birthplace of the founder of the Girl Scouts of America, which has been a virtual mecca to nearly 3 million visitors since it began a restoration to splendor in the 1950s.
Half way through the day, Susan and I grew hungry. As you can imagine, a Southern City has plenty to offer the weary walker. We chose www.mrswilkes.com for some rib-sticking Southern cooking. A line gathers each morning at 107 West Jones Street, the address of what was once and in some ways still is the boarding home of Mrs.Wilkes. Today the Wilkes’ kids swing the door open wide and friendly at 11 o’clock as they welcome a lunch crowd that scurries to find seats at one of the large tables-for-ten shared by strangers who over a meal become family, of sorts. Tabletops are crowded with platters of fried chicken and cornbread dressing, sweet potato souffle, biscuits, black-eyed peas, okra gumbo to name just a few of the dishes.
You may want to enjoy a meal from the lineage of the Lady and her sons at http://www.ladyandsons.com. That’s right, Paula Dean calls Savannah home as do her sons. Every day of the week, the host at their establishment begins to take names at 9:30am for lunch and dinner on a first come first served basis from her famous podium on Congress Street in front of the restaurant. You must appear in person to receive a priority seating time. Sunday, the Dean clan offers up a scrumptious buffet from 11am until 5 pm. The wait at Wilkes is typically less, and it is more joyful for me to dine there, but Susan and I did check out the accompanying kitchen goods store to the Dean restaurant. Cool stuff can be purchased on the recommendation of Paula who clearly knows the need of those of us who love to cook. To complement your walking exploration, take a Carriage Ride; the horses in Savannah are some of the prettiest I have seen. When darkness covers the city, check out one of the many famous Irish pubs spread throughout the squares for a quick pint of Guiness or my favorite, a Black Smith (like a Black and Tan but with Smithwicks Irish beer). You willl need it to calm your nerves before you board the trolley of one of the city’s famous ghost tours (www.savannahtours.us). We screamed our way through basements of old homes that were left intact the day they were abandoned and many city cemeteries. I assure you that you will too. Take lots of pictures, as we did, because looking for the “orbs” in them afterwards is part of the fun. Savannah is filled with spirits. Speaking of spirits, there is a great LGBT scene in and around the beautiful riverwalk where drinking happens all day long! If you get energized you can join in for some spirited gay volleyball which is played every Sunday in Daffin Park from 2 to 6 in the afternoon. www.gaysavannah.com is undoubtedly one of the best directories and magazines I have seen in any city. It will guide you to places of interest that range from antiquing to green living. An added bonus for me on this trip was meeting Ronni Carpenter, whose grandparents owned a general store out in the countryside of Savannah. There they sold shoes made in Hannibal, MO during the days that followed WWI when Hannibal was the largest shoe manufacturer in the nation. It’s a fascinating piece of American history, and Ronni was kind enough to invite me and Susan and a couple friends who once lived in Hannibal over to see the shoes that survived over these many years. Savannah has survived and is currently thriving! Go check it, and let me know what you think! Travel deliciously, Rick
LGBT people over 50 increasing as percentage of the rainbow
The number of lgbt people over 50 (the target audience for this site) is growing in proportion to the general population. And that number is expected to double by 2030. See link below.
Review: NYC summer movie retrospectives
By Steve Barnes Summer in New York means a lot of things to different people, but one thing it has always meant to me is a time for the kind of movie retrospectives that move old standbys from TV screens back into theaters. Film Forum has always been the biggest kid on the block when it comes to this sort of programming, its summer series devoted to science fiction, film noir and the raciest examples of pre-Code movie making having become a staple for many New York filmgoers. And they’re at it again this year with “Essential Pre-Code,” which is going on through August 11. This year’s model of their pre-Code smorgasbord features a tribute to wonderfully smarmy Warren William and a series of Tuesday triple bills. One highlight yet to come in the series is a double feature (July 31 and August 1) of “Call Her Savage,” in which an over-the-top Clara Bow makes what many think of as the first visit to a gay bar in any Hollywood film, and “Blonde Venus,” with Marlene Dietrich channeling King Kong a year before he hit the screen in a performance of the song “Hot Voodoo.” And one of those Tuesday triple bills (August 2) is nothing to sneeze at either: Ruth Chatteron as a powerful executive in “Female,” followed by two shots of Bette Davis in “Cabin in the Cotton” and “Ex-Lady.”
