One Thing or Another: Life, Aging, and the Absurdities Of It All – Staying Visible As We Age
One Thing or Another: Life, Aging, and the Absurdities Of It All – Staying Visible As We Age
By Mark McNease
Stay tuned for the return of the One Thing Or Another Podcast: Interviews and Conversation
There’s a moment that comes with aging, a sort of chronological line we cross, when we realize that visibility is no longer something society affords everyone in equal measure.
Earlier in life, being visible often felt like a requirement. We showed up, spoke up, proved ourselves. Being seen was tied to usefulness, productivity, and momentum. Along the way, many of us also learned how to edit and censor ourselves, lowering our voices, choosing our words carefully, deciding when to speak and when to let things pass. Those habits don’t disappear just because the years do.
And then one day, it all shifted. We became older, and invisibility entered our lives whether we invited it or not. Clerks talked past us. Conversations moved forward without our input. Our experiences were acknowledged politely or not-so-politely, then set aside.
At first, this kind of invisibility can feel like relief. No explaining. No performing. No pressure to keep up. But over time, it starts to feel like erasure.
Visibility, it turns out, isn’t the same thing as attention. It’s about presence. It’s about being accounted for and acknowledged.
As we age, we’re often told, directly or indirectly, that our role is to make room for what comes next. There’s truth in that, but making room doesn’t mean disappearing. It doesn’t require shrinking our opinions, our stories, or our sense of self.
The question becomes quieter, but no less important: how do we want to be visible now?
Not louder. Not younger. Not endlessly adaptable. Just present.
Visibility at this stage of life can mean saying no without apology. It can mean taking up space in a room that assumes we’ll stay on the edges. It can mean choosing comfort over performance, and honesty over politeness.
One thing aging gives us is less urgency. Another is clarity about what matters. Being visible, not as a role, not as a symbol, but as people with lived histories, is always worth choosing, and never requires permission.