Your Weekly LGBTSr Humorscope

♈ Aries (March 21–April 19)

You’ll have a powerful urge this week to reorganize your spice cabinet, and by “reorganize,” we mean stare at the paprika wondering how it got there. An unexpected encounter brings joy. Could be a dog. Could be a donut. Could be both.

♉ Taurus (April 20–May 20)

You’re craving comfort and carbs. The universe says, “Go ahead.” A small purchase leads to big happiness, especially if it involves cheese or socks with silly designs. Avoid people who say “Let’s circle back.”

♊ Gemini (May 21–June 20)
Someone misinterprets a text you send. Don’t panic — they already thought you were weird. Creativity flows by Thursday and a brilliant idea arrives while you’re brushing your teeth. Write it down before it slides away like toothpaste in the sink.

♋ Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Your nurturing instinct kicks in this week, which is great until you offer life advice to a houseplant. Midweek surprise: you find something you lost, and it’s not dignity — that was long gone. Probably your glasses. Or keys. Or both.

♌ Leo (July 23–August 22)
You’ll feel extra dramatic. Use it wisely: sigh loudly in public, narrate your day like a telenovela, or treat a trip to the post office like a red-carpet event. Someone admires you from afar, possibly through binoculars (hopefully metaphorical).

♍ Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Your plan to plan things gets wildly out of hand. Try not to spreadsheet the emotional needs of your friends. A small detail you ignored will suddenly matter on Saturday — check expiration dates, especially on mystery jars in the fridge.

♎ Libra (September 23–October 22)
You’ll spend too much time picking a streaming show, and by the time you decide, it’ll be bedtime. Love is in the air, along with pollen. Say “yes” to something new, but “no” to group texts named “LOL squad.”

♏ Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Someone asks for your opinion this week — feel free to unleash the truth, or at least the theatrical version of it. A secret surfaces, but don’t worry: yours is still safe. Probably.

♐ Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
You’re feeling adventurous, which is great, but maybe skip the late-night online shopping after three cups of coffee. Good luck arrives Friday disguised as a boring obligation. Show up — it pays off.

♑ Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
You get things done this week… after thinking about them for three days. A random compliment boosts your mood. Smile back — it confuses people and they may assume you know a secret.

♒ Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Tech frustrations hit early in the week. Try turning it off and back on. Then do that with yourself: nap. Inspiration hits during a very mundane moment, possibly while waiting for water to boil. Genius is often slow.

♓ Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Your dreamy ideas finally make sense to someone else, which is shocking. Pay attention to odd coincidences: one may involve a cat, a stranger, or a coupon you didn’t know you needed. Trust your gut unless it says eat gas-station sushi.