Kapok Aging and Caregiver Resources: How to Change Your Mindset with the New Year
The following excerpt is reprinted with permission from Kapok Aging and Caregiver Resources.
The new year is often a time for reflection and resolutions. It’s a chance to look back on all that’s been and think about what comes next.
Doing this as a caregiver can get a bit overwhelming though.
If you’ve been fully immersed in this role for a while, it might feel like life is just one intense day after another. Or, it might feel like you’re going nowhere, simply spinning your wheels and waiting for things to get better.
Maybe now is the time to do something new.
I know, that might sound like a big ask right now. Stick with me, though, as we’re focusing on a simple idea that can make your life easier.
We Tend To Look Forward
Let’s begin here.
As humans, we tend to focus on the future. We plan and dream, thinking about all we’ll do and how it will come to pass. Some of that planning and dreaming is necessary, otherwise we’d never get anything done.
But, in one way or another, we often spend most of our time focused on the future.
We often get into the habit of waiting for things to change. Of imagining that life will get better when this happens or when that happens, like a new job, a promotion, or a loved one getting better.
Sometimes the change we’re hoping for doesn’t happen. Or, it takes a long time, like when a caregiving role you thought would last a few months is still happening five years down the line.
Other times the desired thing might happen, but it doesn’t make us feel like we expect.
We end up waiting a long time to feel better. And, to be honest, the future rarely makes us feel like we think it’s going to.
This issue isn’t just the case for caregivers. It’s a default for many of us, where we’re normally focusing on what’s next, rather than what’s happening now.
When we focus on what’s next, life becomes a series of big events. One to the next to the next.
This is draining.
It can be demoralizing too. Even if you actually do all the things you hope to, there’s often a sense that life is a constant struggle.
And, when you spend so much time focusing on the big tasks and the next things – you miss so much of life. You’re often not present for what’s happening now.
Why Not Flip The Switch?
So, as we’re entering the new year, why not turn things around?
The goal is to bring the focus in. Back to here and now. Back to day-to-day life and the little things.
Bear with me on this.
At first glance, the idea sounds pretty awful for caregivers. Why would you focus on the present when everything is so difficult? Surely it’s better to focus on the future, to imagine a time when everything is better.
But, here’s the thing.
I don’t know you personally, but I can guarantee that not everything in your life is bad (if you don’t believe me, check out the book The Resilience Project. The author has some fantastic stories and examples about finding joy.
When you start focusing back now, you get the chance to start finding and re-defining those good things.
About Cassie Greenfield, BSc, MSc
Cassie wears many hats at Kapok. She is a key content contributor and ideas woman, while also being the website designer and manager, and technical support guru. Her academic background is in biology and biochemistry, but she has also been fascinated by sociology, mental health, and the challenges that people face as they navigate their lives.
Cassie also has first-hand experience of being a full-time unpaid caregiver, while simultaneously working from home, which gives her powerful insight into many of the challenges that caregivers face.
You can see all of her posts here or learn more on her own website.
About Angelica Herrera Venson, DrPH, MPH
Founder of Kapok Aging and Caregiver Resouces
Angelica Herrera Venson, DrPH, MPH is a gerontologist born in San Diego and raised on both sides of the U.S-Mexico border. She’s a public health advocate who has spent two decades in community health work and research investigating how immigrant and racial /ethnic minority family caregivers and seniors navigate old age and seek out health and elder care. Today, Angelica supports some of Arizona’s community health centers, which serve primarily Medicaid and underserved communities, in their transition to value-based care.
About Multicultural Guide to Caregiving
Author and gerontologist, Angelica P. Herrera Venson, DrPH, opens up and shares her family’s personal stories and lessons from her field work and research on aging and caregiving with communities of color and first generation Americans.