Interview: Kimberley Joy Ferren (Kjoy)

Kimberley (left) and her partner Corinne I met Kimberley through our mutual friend (and my longtime collaborator) Rick Rose, who also writes for this site. I loved her energy, her eagerness, and her photoart! This is a get-to-know with her and I’m delighted to give readers the chance to find out who Kjoy is, what’s she’s about, and to enjoy her energy as much as I do. You can see her photoart here. – Mark You’ve joined lgbtSr as a regular columnist/blogger and I wanted to introduce you by way of an interview. Can you tell us where you live and how you got there? Kjoy: As noted in my bio, I’m a native Californian, born in San Francisco (an influence to being gay?), but I grew up less than an hour north of Hollywood in Thousand Oaks. When we moved there it was still very much a prairie behind our house and several westerns were filmed there, and the sets stayed behind for playing in. Once my mom drove us to see a huge wagon train scene with Indians attacking and we ended up ruining the shot. My mom high-tailed-it out of there before they could catch us and send her the bill. Later I went to Ventura Jr. College then to Long Beach State University, then three years in St. Louis, MO. When that relationship ended I rushed back to SoCal and been here ever since. For that last 17 years I’ve been a “Valley Girl,” (San Fernando Valley) and for several years lived literally behind the famed Galleria in Sherman Oaks (“Like fursure!”). Four years ago, Corinne and I moved with our big dogs to a small adobe style house in the small city of San Fernando (VERY hard to find a place that allows big dogs in LA). The Latin flavor of this community has been a huge influence and subject of my photography and photoart. It is a town where old school is attempting to modernize and the townspeople are struggling with the transition. I’m proud to be a part of the movement forward. I say I am “a gringa with a Latin heart.” You and your spouse have been together 16 years. How did you meet? Kjoy: I met my sweetheart at the West Hollywood club, GirlBar. We had mutual friends. At the end of the night all friends danced together and I thought she was cool. The next week my friend and I are dancing, and from behind, I see a hot womyn in jeans and cowboy boots, and when they turn I realize it’s the same womyn from the week before (I couldn’t remember her name). Anyway, it’s the end of the night so I go pull her on to the dance floor. When the night ends I handed her my business card and use the oddest pick-up line, “Call me I’ll make you dinner.” Corinne says she went to her friends and said, “Do I look like I need to eat?” Our first date ended up with me taking her to a gay Alanon meeting. Talk about a cool chick! It was actually my therapist who encouraged me to give her a chance (the relationship before that ended due to their alcohol abuse). I finally made her that meal and we’ve been together ever since. Lucky me! What’s the best thing about being with someone for 16 years? Any downside? Kjoy: The best thing is that you don’t have to be pretty all the time. You can wear underwear instead of lingerie (except to date nights of course!) and you don’t have to worry about make-up and your hair being “hot” at all times. You can relieve gas, eat messy foods, not panic if you’ll gain weight or they’ll judge you. Not that being healthy isn’t important, it just falls down the list and you welcome elastic-banded sweats over can’t breathe going-out jeans. It is also about having sides of the bed and knowing each other’s pillows and then spooning to sleep and waking-up with your best friend and not freaking-out about bad breathe (well sort of, but you don’t rush out of bed over it). And to tell the truth, Corinne still takes my breath away even when she’s just sitting on the couch with the dogs watching a Dodger game. The downside of years together is that you get COMFORTABLE. This is a very dangerous word/situation in any relationship. You forget the little things, the hugs, kisses, touches, asking about the day AND LISTENING (my bad). I have to remind myself to CHERISH this amazing womyn, not just love her. Especially now that we’re over 50, life choices matter. You need more than just a playmate, but a partner. And it should be someone you can laugh with, and often. Life’s too short to not have joy in it (just because it’s my middle name doesn’t mean I’m not crabby at times). As a couple you need to stop the pulls of life and kiss and hold each other. Awesome. You got into photography later in life, as you talk about on your website. Can you say a little about pursuing a passion when society might think we should be settled into our cubicles of whatever making? Kjoy: Growing-up I was always jealous of the arty out-going kids. I wanted to be them but was afraid. I used to say to my mom, “They live on the other side of the line.” Though I pursued careers where I had artistic say and input and even some of my photography and film edits were used for music covers and music videos, I didn’t see it as art, but part of my job. So when I hit 50 it really was a landmark by age and an epiphany as an SR. I had a second-half to look forward to so what was I going to do with it? When my friend gave me his used Nikon Coolpix and a copy of Photoshop, and I started to shoot and play with the images in the computer, then got amazing feedback, I realized that for the first time in my life I had truly stepped over that artistic line. I also believe that being an SR gave me the gumption to test the waters and actually walk into La Galleria Gitana in San Fernando and ask how one gets to show their work – and then did. It really was, and continues to be, about JUST WALKING THROUGH THE DOORS and stepping over those lines. If I had continued to be afraid I would not have gotten into my first show. I just hoped to show a couple pieces, but was asked to show 24 (both prints and canvas/giclees) and was given my own room! WHO KNEW! I also write (screenplay and playwriting). One day I saw a previously closed theater reopening so I WALKED IN and now I am coordinating their playwrights’ reading series (it is being run but two gay men also going for it after years of wanting their own theater!). DO IT! What’s there to lose? We already have Depends in our future so no need to stay off the pot (so to speak). GO FOR IT! You’ve expressed a refreshing enthusiasm for writing for this lgbtSr audience. What makes it interesting for you? Kjoy: I have always been a writer. It was my way to escape a volatile household. In writing I could be anywhere and anyone and have romances with womyn, a say it was just fiction. As a publicist I wrote to promote others. As a screenwriter/playwright there is always the challenge of “making it.” What intrigued me to write for lgbtSR.com was that here I get to revel in my age, that I get to be an open lesbian, that I get to write what matters to me, or just write for the fun of it, and share an at times playful and wa rped look at getting older in the gay world. I feel privileged to be part of this site that will grow and be a forum for the many SRs out there loving life, and struggling with the sagging and aches and the freedom of not giving a shit anymore. We’ve lived it honey. We have the right to own it and sell it and flaunt it! And know what? I’m still 30 in my minds-eye as long as I avoid the mirror! My own decision has been to live as fully and appreciatively as I can, in honor of the many fine men I knew in my 20s who didn’t live long enough to write a blog post for this site. What advice would you give to the LGBT over-50s who might think fun stops at 49? Kjoy: What is fun anyway? Most times now I’m too damned tired to get all made-up for a night out and feel unattractive and don’t want to deal with the young lgbt world outside. But then I regroup, and remind myself that just because I don’t go out amongst the young that I didn’t quit. Hell no! I just stay in my sweats and turn on the Go-Gos, or B-52’s or Prince, or whoever was the music of your time, and dance like a damn-fool in the middle of my living room with my womyn and the dogs – or alone. Afterwards I take Advil or drink some wine and all is fine. Other times I just allow myself to be the lump on the couch and just enjoy it. Okay, yes it is hard to accept that we don’t have the perfect body anymore (though some still rock it!), and that we may be overweight, wrinkling here and there, have aching joints, and not able to pull off the hip styles of the day, and due to all of this we then become reticent to go out to “gaytown” believing the younger set will be judging, even laughing, at us. But then again, maybe not. Think back. Don’t you remember being young and seeing those older lesbians and gay men and WANTING THEM and WANT THEM TO WANT US. Truthfully I thought they were amazing. I wanted them to teach me. So I say we owe it to all those past SRs who inspired and entranced us, and taught us, and be there for the young of today. Show them that AGE DOES NOT MATTER, we are going to have a hellava good time on the dance floor no matter what jiggles and some of them will be turned-on by it – really. And once we’ve had our fill, we’re going to just dance out the door of that club and take that attitude in to creating our dreams, be it an artist, a perfect job, build online endeavors (go Mark!), travel the world, become chefs, produce films and plays, or use our knowledge to improve the world – WHATEVER! I’m living proof it works! Join me! When we get tired and need a break? We’ll just find a recliner or a poolside cabana and enjoy the view til’ we get our second wind.]]>