MARK'S CAFE MOI: Making an ass out of me and me

I over-reacted as usual. It’s something dangerous but also admirable about me: beneath an exterior others have described, to my puzzlement, as calm all my life, is a cauldron of emotion. Some anxiety. Plenty of hair-trigger indignation – it doesn’t take much. (It wasn’t until I started making videoblogs and clips with myself in them that I saw this apparent calm others have always seen, a sort of lethargy; I attribute it in part to my roots as a Southerner, and in part to my determination very young to conceal my feelings.) I’d been waiting two weeks to find out if I’d get a job I interviewed for at my company. My boss is leaving in just over a week, and I’d been sitting in my cube every day doing precisely nothing. Okay, well, blogging, which isn’t nothing, but it’s not what I’m paid to do here. Yesterday I left early and met my friend Rick, who’s visiting from Shreveport. We got back to the apartment after having coffee and bagels, and there on my work BlackBerry was a message from my friend Denise, also an executive assistant. “So sorry to hear about the job,” she wrote. Huh? She clearly knew something I didn’t, so I called her and asked her what she was talking about. Someone else got the job I’d interviewed for and they had told Denise, no doubt thrilled to be moving to the upper echelons of executive assistantdom. That’s when the fuse reached the explosives. I emailed human resources and let them know what a mockery this made of company policy. I’ve been here ten years, she’s been here six weeks, having been hired to work for someone else. I was humiliated and insisting they initiate my severance package immediately. Then, about a half hour later, I got an email from the man who’d interviewed me. He praised my skills and experience, explained that they had hired Jean, and promptly offered me another position, assisting people I’ve known well for some time, in one case for a decade. I said I’d be delighted. While the chickens aren’t yet hatched on this job offer, the whole experience was an emotional roller coaster. I made assumptions, went quickly to my default position of being wronged, and let the indignation fly. I was wrong. I made an ass out of me and me. Today the landscape is quite different, and while I may not end up with this job, what I assumed to be true was not, and I was left once again with the lesson that waiting a few hours at least before reacting can make all the difference.]]>